When the Group Chat Doesn’t Get It

Becoming a mom can change everything.
Your body. Your brain. Your boundaries.
And sometimes… your friendships too.

Being the first in your friend group to have a baby can be one of the loneliest, most beautiful, and weirdly in-between experiences. You're holding this brand new life while trying not to feel like you're losing your own. And your friends? You love them deeply — but suddenly it feels like you're speaking different languages.

This blog is for both the new mom and the friends who want to show up but aren’t quite sure how. Let's talk about the messy stuff — because at Messy Bun Therapy, we don’t do the polished version of motherhood.

Common Experiences for the First Friend To Have a Baby

🍼 You feel left out and like you're the one who left

You might be home nursing at 2 a.m. while your friends are out living their best lives — and even if you're genuinely happy for them, it stings. And when they don’t invite you? That stings too. Welcome to the paradox.

🍼 Your capacity for small talk has changed

You used to thrive in long text chains and late-night convos, but now your brain is foggy and you’re peopled out by 9 a.m. You’re craving connection — just in a different way.

🍼 You feel guilty for being different

You don’t want your friends to think you’ve changed. But… you have. And that's okay. It doesn’t mean you’re not still you. It means you’ve added new layers.

🍼 You might grieve your old self

Yes, even if you love your baby. Even if you chose this life. There’s still loss — of your old rhythms, energy, spontaneity. And grief and gratitude can coexist.

If You’re That Friend: You’re Not a Bad Friend for Feeling These Things

Motherhood is transformational — and being first means navigating it without a blueprint from your immediate circle. Your feelings are valid, your exhaustion is real, and you deserve support that sees the whole version of you, not just the “mom” part.

Ways to Support Your Friend Who Just Had a Baby

If you're in the friend group and not a parent (yet or ever), here are some powerful, real ways to show up:

🌼 Show Up Without Pressure

Don’t ask what they need. Just offer something specific:
“I’m dropping off coffee and a sandwich — leave it at the door or I can come in and snuggle the baby while you nap.”

🌼 Keep Inviting Them

Even if they say no, even if they can’t make it. Keep them in the loop. They want to feel remembered — not responsible for keeping the friendship going.

🌼 Celebrate Her

New moms don’t just need baby gifts. Send her a “you’re doing amazing” text. Drop off dry shampoo and a snack. Acknowledge the shift in her world.

🌼 Get Curious, Not Distant

Ask, “What’s been hard lately?” instead of, “How’s the baby?”
Be open to hearing about things like rage, identity shifts, and messy postpartum emotions. This is real friendship.

🌼 Be Patient With the Silence

She might not text back. She might disappear for a while. It’s not personal — she’s likely overwhelmed, overstimulated, and under-supported. Be the friend who doesn’t keep score.

Friendship Doesn’t Have to End — It Might Just Look Different

Being the first mom doesn’t mean you’ve outgrown your people. It means you’re learning how to hold space for your new identity — and hoping your friendships can grow, too.

If you’re the mom?You don’t have to pretend you’ve got it together.

And if you’re the friend?
Your presence — messy, loving, curious — matters more than ever.

This season is tender, transitional, and wildly powerful. Let’s give it the care it deserves.

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