Wanting Mom Friends, BUT Also Wanting to Stay Home: The Never-Ending Push & Pull of Connection in Early Motherhood

Liz Phillips

April 13, 2026

There’s this idea floating around that once you become a mom, you’ll naturally find your “mom group.” Women you text about sleep schedules, meet for stroller walks, and lean on in the chaos.

And while that can happen, there’s another, quieter truth that doesn’t get talked about enough:

Sometimes, the idea of making mom friends feels exhausting. You might want connection deeply. You might crave being understood by someone in the same stage of life. But when it comes time to actually go to the meetup, respond to the text, or put yourself out there, it can feel like more effort than it’s worth.

And I'm not going to lie to you, it does require some effort on our end as individuals, but it's also up to us to decide when we are ready.

If you’ve ever thought, “I should try harder to make mom friends, but I just don’t have it in me,” you’re not alone.

The Invisible Weight Behind “Just Put Yourself Out There”

Early motherhood is already a full-body, full-mind experience. You’re adjusting to a new identity, likely navigating sleep deprivation, hormonal shifts, and a constant mental checklist that never fully turns off.

So when you add “build a community” to that list, it can feel overwhelming.

There’s also the anxiety piece that often comes along for the ride:

Will they judge me?
Am I doing this right?
What if I don’t fit in?
What if it feels awkward?

Even in spaces meant to be supportive, comparison and self-doubt can quietly creep in.

You’re Not Failing.You’re Protecting Your Energy

If connecting feels like too much sometimes, it doesn’t mean you’re antisocial, unfriendly, or doing motherhood “wrong.”

It often means your nervous system is asking for rest.

There is a real tension in this season:
The need for connection and the need for capacity don’t always align.

And honoring your limits is not the same as giving up on community.

Finding the Middle Ground: Connection Without Overwhelm

Instead of approaching friendships as something you should be doing, what if we looked at them as something you can gently grow into?

Here are a few ways to find balance:

1. Lower the bar (like a lot)
Connection doesn’t have to mean instant best friends or perfectly planned playdates. It might look like a short conversation at a baby class, a quick DM, or sitting next to the same mom each week without forcing more.

2. Choose low-pressure environments
Look for spaces where showing up as you are is enough walks, casual meetups, or drop-in groups where you can leave early without explanation.

3. Let it be slow
Trust takes time. Familiarity takes repetition. You don’t have to rush intimacy or force closeness.

4. Check your capacity before you commit
It’s okay to ask, Do I actually have the energy for this today? Sometimes the answer will be yes. Sometimes it won’t. Both are valid. I don't go to every social engagement my friends invite me too (if you know me you know I'm in bed by 10pm 7 days a week so it's gonna be a no sometiemes) so you don't have to go to every moms meet up or group you are invited to either.

5. Notice anxiety without letting it lead
Those thoughts about being judged or not fitting in? They’re common, but not always accurate. You can acknowledge them without letting them make the final decision. Just like any other friendship evaulate interactions based on facts. Did they make a comment that made you feel judged? Did they minimize your views? Did they shut down interactions?

A Gentle Reality About Mom Friendships

Not every connection will be your connection. Some will feel surface-level. Some won’t click at all. And some might surprise you over time. Quality matters more than quantity and even one safe, understanding relationship can make a meaningful difference. Maybe you go to a moms meet up and leave thinking "I didn't connect with most of those women, but....in this case that "but" is important because that can be a game changer.